A look at McGuire's Montreal Monsters

"Sid, have you ever considered jumping over to the Habs as a favour to me?"

Anyone checking the news knows that Montreal has been fielding candidates for the new General Manager spot for the last few days. The list of candidates has looked pretty strong to be honest, with Julien Brisebois, Marc Bergevin, Francois Giguere, Doug Risebrough...wait that can't be right. Pierre McGuire? Seriously? Well, what I get from lots of people is he knows about all the key players in all the junior squads and college teams in North America, and he won't hesitate to remind us of this every time he appears on NBC in some fashion. Seriously, if you ever meet him, ask him for details on someone like Rocco Grimaldi, and he won't stop at the basic stats. No sir, he even knows where the kid played in atom league, his grade seven homeroom teacher, and the fact that his parents got him a Nintendo with Bible Adventures when he was three. It's uncanny! It's borderline autistic!

Should Pierre be hired on to run the team (into the ground if you're particularly pessimistic/not crazy), it should be easy to predict some of his significant moves from his time on TV. His fetish for large defensemen, and generally large players has been on display many times. If I wanted to be an ass about it (which I am), I'd describe his ideal team as "size first, skill optional, and will you marry me Sidney Crosby". While I could definitely be surprised by a few moves of his, we should be looking forward to a few certain people wearing the CH.

Dion Phaneuf

Once upon a time, there was a cro magnon from Edmonton who learned how to skate and use his momentum to run into people. He used these talents on the international stage, and Pierre ate it up like candy.  Expect a pairing with PK Subban in the works with instructions to the coach that they are to combine for Quadruple Dions.

Projected trade: Max Pacioretty and a second round pick. In a moment of savant brilliance, McGuire realizes that Brian Burke will go for most of anything as long as it involves a scoring forward.

Dustin Tokarski aka OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!

I will admit that Dustin Tokarski was stellar in the world juniors. It also seems that his development hasn't got shot to hell yet. I saw him a couple times when Roloson was injured this season, and he was okay. Nothing special, but okay. But do you think Pierre will remember him with lightning bolt on his chest, or a leaf?

Projected trade: Carey Price, straight up. Price will probably be given ownership of the team at the next contract hearing, considering the way he kept them afloat. And with McGuire's rose tinted shades suggesting that he has nowhere to go but up, that $670,000 cap hit will be veerrrrrrrrrryyyy desirable.

Dustin Byfuglien

Dude just loves saying his name. No, seriously.

Projected trade: Let's say he gives up a package of David Desharnais, Alexei Emelin, Blake Geoffrion, Brian Gionta, and their first round draft pick. He loves saying "Byfuglien" That much.